My entire adult life, and most of my teens, church has been a very important part of my life. I don't mean just the building or the people/social aspect of it, but the very essence of what the church is. Church means so many different things to me... it is a place to worship and glorify Christ, a place to stop and say thank you to a God that loves us so very much, a place to bring your less than perfect self and know that God will and does perform miracles on your insides and out, a place to grow with the body of believers and be discipled and to disciple, and so much more.
Recently, though, I have found myself in a very hard place concerning church. I suppose it is what some would call Spiritual Warfare and sometimes it feels like I am losing. The very act of going to church has become a challenge for me. I know I need to be there, but I am pulling me away. I have debated whether I need a new church or am I running away to something that feels softer, gentler? There are a lot of memories in my church, some of them hard to face. Ironically, the good memories are the hardest to face. They point out all the changes, the differences and I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to fit it all together.
So, yes...I am at a crossroads. I don't know which way to turn. Prayers appreciated.